Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
