No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
