I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize