yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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