love makes seman taste better
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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