Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
