if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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