Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
