I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
