and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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