Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
