Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
