I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Blood and glitter go together right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
