I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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