if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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