Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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