my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize