I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
