Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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