I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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