Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
