Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
