I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
