Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
