3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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