my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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