My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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