Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
