My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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