He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
