just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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