I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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