dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need water and some morals
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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