and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
