my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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