Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
