bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
