So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
