If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
