Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
