Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
