I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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