i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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