I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
