I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize