dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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