She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
