I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
