dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
