she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i believe in u and ur pee
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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