I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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