You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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