2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
