I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
