she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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