so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
