Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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