apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
