i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
