I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
