Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We need to get me chipped asap
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
