Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
