i think my tv is drunk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
