Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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