Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
