Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
