Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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