hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
