How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
