note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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